Sent to me by a self hating Lebanese friend
The Creation of Lebanon:
On the sixth day God turned to the Angels and said: “Today I am going to
create a land called Lebanon. It will be a land of outstanding natural
beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of snow, beautifully
sparkly rivers cutting through forests full of all kind of trees, high
cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life.”
God continued, “I shall make the land rich to make the inhabitants prosper.
I shall call these inhabitants Lebanese, and they shall be known as the
most friendly people on Earth”
"But Lord," asked the Angels, "don’t you think you are being too generous
to these Lebanese? Isn’t it unfair for the rest of the world?”
"Not really," replied God. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to
give them.”
Lebanese vs Syrian
A first grade teacher tells her class that she is Syrian. She asks her
students to raise their hands if they are Syrian too. Not really knowing
why but wanting to be like their teacher, all the students raise their
hands.
There is, however, one exception: A girl named Maha has not gone along with
the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not a Syrian." replies Maha
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I’m a proud Lebanese," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little upset now. She asks Maha why she is Lebanese.
"My mom and dad are Lebanese, so I’m Lebanese too."
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if
your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?”
There’s a pause and Maha answers with a smile: “Then, I’d be a Syrian.”
Lebanese mothers:
Mrs Abdalla comes to visit her son Samir for 3 days in London where he is
studying. She finds out that her son lives with Vikki, a female roomate.
Mrs Abdalla couldn’t help but notice how pretty Samir’s roommate was. She
suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more
curious. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Samir volunteered, “I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Vikki came to Samir saying,”Ever since your mother
left, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugarbowl. You don’t suppose she
took it do you?” “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother,
I’m not saying that you “did” take the sugar bowl from my house, I’m not
saying that you “did not” take it. But the fact remains that it has been
missing ever since you left back to Beirut.
Love,
Samir
Several days later, Samir received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Vikki, and I’m not saying that you
"do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in
her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love,
Mom.
The moral of the story is: Don’t Lie to Your Mother… especially if she is
Lebanese.
You live in Beirut when:
1. You can’t speak in just one language for more than two sentences
straight.
2. You know people by their cars… “Tony with the silver BMW, not the blue
one. Tony with the blue one was hanging out with Jean with the black
Mercedes. They were met up by Georges with the Red GTI”
3. The guy who polishes your shoes for 250 lira (16 cents) has a brand new
state of the art cell phone.
4. You can’t get a job because you’re not Syrian, Filipino, Sri Lankan, or
Egyptian.
5. You have family members in at least three other continents.
6. During the World Cup, you forget what country you’re in because of all
the Brazilian, German, French, and Italian flags hanging on people’s cars,
balconies, and over the street.
7. The driver in front of you has a “Michael Schumacher” sticker on his
rear window.
